Thursday, December 24, 2009

Reflection


This is my second year in Trinidad, leaving my life as a dentist and lecturer behind to become a full time mum. Do I regret my decision? To be honest, sometimes I regret it. But most of the times I'm very grateful that I have choices and be able to choose.


If I have to count the bless of being lecturer (and dentist), it would be countless. Opportunity to learn new things every time I stood in front of enthusiastic students, to learn from the very best teachers in their field and see the passion in their eyes, to have friends and best friends with the same 'language', to help people understand things, to learn how to be organized and structured, and to learn that I did it not because of the money *you have to know first how much the gov pay the civil servant :) and believe that God will take care of my family no matter how small or big my salary was. It is priceless... Often I said to my colleague that I worked to entertain my self and to give me my own time and world. I'm very lucky that I had that opportunity.

Now I live my life as full time mum, with two wonderful boys and one amazing husband that I believe God had picked for me. We're not perfect, but we're perfect for each other. I wouldn't deny that I had some stressful time at the beginning. It's funny because I had nothing to be stressed for: no deadline, no bosses, no tight schedule, no traffic jam :) So why's that?
Apparently I lost my confidence, my sense of achievement, my 'own money' and the worst was I was losing my faith that God knows the very best for me. Fortunately, my mums and my bosses (yes, my bosses, who become my very best other sister and other mum) always remind me to ask for the best to God.

Being mum is a very wonderful opportunity. I can see how much they need me, even though they didn't say anything about it. To be able to stand beside them every time they need, is a bless. I'm glad that I had the chance to be a working mum. It made my kids appreciate my presence more, especially my big one. He'd been through the time when I choose my work over my family and lived separated from my husband. My husband was working in Abu Dhabi for two years, and Paris for less than one year, and yes... I choose to stay at my home country and keep working as lecturer and dentist. Leaving my son with a baby sitter, a house keeper and a driver :D, from morning to evening. But I didn't regret it at all. But I realized that I can be so stupid sometimes.

The only thing that had changed my mind to follow my husband to live in Trinidad was it's too far to be reached from Jakarta if something came up. And I don't want to regret it. Because I believe God give me kids since I can be a good mum. I have my own passion to teach, to study and to help people in my field. I believe I will have my time, later on when my family is ready for it. But this time I have to stay and focus to give my family the very best from me.

2 comments:

Bunda RaRa said...

i envy you for that .. become a ftm is every working mom dream you know .. an expensive dream .. i guess ..

tukangecuprus said...

Joy does not come from what we are, it's a matter of how we embrace the life it self. *sok yes banget gak sih gw* ^_^